"The in between" Most people live their life...

 "It's the in between" 

Life doesn't always give u what u want, sometimes life gives u more than u think u can handle, or..  deserve. 

But it's that in between we all should strive to live for ❤. 

To not get caught up in all else, to not get stuck in sadness, the pain or discomfort. 

We take it day by day. So even though just this last week have been filled with painful treatments and examinations.

 Lying on a table 5 times getting radiation and contrast my kidney and body really doesn't like more of (but have too to get anywhere) it has to be done, 

 Risk contra benefits....

... I have been thinking alot. 

But not about that examination table, not about all the needles, not about what they saw on the recording of my kidney and messed up stomach after 15th surgerys, not about all the risks with a 16th surgery and not about what they filled my bladder and heart port/ veins yet again with (more radioactive contrast) or even the fact that I had to get my heart port punctured 3 times before it worked or having a catheter for one year now. 

All that I'm used to by now and we manage ourselves from home. 

I think about...

 The in between"

Cause it's the in between that IS LIFE ❤. 

Living a GOOD life IN BETWEEN. 

And that's what we do. Yes I'm sick that's a fact, but it only "take control" of my life if i (we/everyone) LET IT. 

Just before I had to go and do all that other "hospital stuff" my daughter Annie called in panic and had forgotten the make up I had reminded her about 10 times (tweens 😉🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️❤😂) for a movie for a school project she's doing , she called saying:

 "MOOM!!! I need the make up now!! Can u get it for me?!" 

"Ok, but CALM down sweet heart it will be ok. Don't stress. When do u need it?

"Eeeeh, not until 2 a clock". 

"Ok, well then, stop panicking, calm down and "mom will get it". Mamma fixar 👍🤷‍♀️❤. Lugn.

I did not manage to do so without a little help and yeah, with my wheelchair and of course i did not find any face colors anywhere this time (it's not Halloween apparently 😉) but i found three other color sets and some brushes and her own make up (she never use) and took that and "VOILA" the day was saved. 

Happy kids, happy mom ❤. 

Straight after that we had to go back to be at the hospital.

So yeah,  it's THAT in between I mean and LIVE FOR ❤. 

Cause it does no one any good to get stuck on that other "stuff".

 Yes, that part of ALL our lifes that's tough as hell. 

And Yes, that's a bigger part of our life then Most but we CHOOSE to NEVER let it be 

"THE PART". 

 That's the difference. 

If not, i/we wouldn't have any life at all.

 Give up?

No! 

Stop fighting?

Never!

After 2 hours examination they had to change my heart port vein (porth cath) and so we got the kids picked up, and then they picked me up at the hospital and then we laughed all the way home to a thing Annie said the other week about boys we're now teasing her all the time (teens) for, and she HATE-LOVE it 🤣😉❤. "MOOM!!! 

Men mammaaaaaa!!! 🤷‍♀️😂❤🤷‍♀️😉😋!!

That's another funny story all by itself i will tell u later 😅😉❤. 

IN BETWEEN that I taught them how to play chicago and we did some beautiful stickers both wanted more of ans decorated the backpacks. 

IN BETWEEN that I have this thing where I put a little note inside their backpack with their fruits.

 Somedays it's beautiful quotes about love and life and being yourself,  other days it's "just" me writing some words like:

 "hope u have an amazing day my sunshine and I'll see you when u get home, (behave), love you"/MOM ❤😉. 

So, despite all this we live for the..

 "IN BETWEEN" moments. ❤

Humor, laughter, jokes, (bad ones..)  🤷‍♀️. 

And sooo much LOVE ❤

DAY BY DAY, life is a gift.  

Just remember to not get stuck on the hard ones and if u do, get your focus back on what make you smile, to the moments 

  "IN BETWEEN" 

cause LIFE is HERE and NOW, so LIVE it well and be YOURSELF most of all.

There's too many "norms" anyway.

 Live, Love and laugh with all your heart ❤.

In again in that "machine" on Friday, but that's OK. 

Cause "in BETWEEN LIFE" no one can ever say we do not live to the fullest. 

Cause no one CAN live it to the fullest the way I and WE do.

 It comes with knowing. 

Really KNOWING and UNDERSTAND how precious life is and to have really been through those moments when it all could have ended. 

 I live, and by that i mean truly LIVE, BECAUSE of what I've been through and ARE GOING THROUGH FOR those MOMENTS. 

 Those most people take for granted...

That i have learned NOT to do. 

That actually scares me more than anything to "go back" and never have known how to utterly really appreciate LIFE, LOVE and people ❤!

 And appreciate the truly meaningful stuff in life. Yes, the small stuff, the small moments. 

To never judge. 

To stay humble, to care, to know that we ALL have hard things in life and that we never ever truly know what someone is going through and why they do what they do. 

 To never judge when we do not know the underlying circumstances or how hard someone actually is trying to do their absolute best. 

 We have to stop thinking that we know so much.. Cause we don't.

 I always try to think "what could have happened to that person for doing what he or she is doing or why they choose that path or ending up in "this" situation. 

What have made them to who they are?

And who am i to judge without knowing someones true history? 

I'm not. That's not up to me, or you. 

That's up to KARMA and that person. 

But to BE THERE, maybe just ask:

 "can I help you in anyway?" Or 

"How are you?" And to truly HONSTELY wait and WANT an honest reply. 

Not just "I'm good, and you?". 

You know, Like we all do. 

If you don't want an answer, don't ask the question. 

But if you do?

 Remember-

YOU asking means actually CARE enough to listen to a real, honest reply can save someone's entire day and life! 

Sometimes all people need is just someone, even a stranger, to just sit down beside them ask them if they are ok and show that they do care. 

That takes about 10 mins of your day. 

Admit that it's worth it if you have given that person a SMILE on a day they maybe wanted to give up?

I help when i can, when I see someone in need or see someone sitting alone. 

But i guess that's the empath in me. 

I just feel and know if someone just needs a human connection or lend a hand or just talk about the weather. 

It doesn't have to be an entire lifestory, it can be enough to just ask;

"Hi. Is it ok if i sit here. How's your day been"?

 Connection. Bond. Human "touch".

The smallest thing can do so much. 

Never forget that 🤲🤲🤲. 

​

And never take even one minute for granted.

 I know, its hard.

You know those times where we get shaken up, scared, you loose someone you can't live without or you almost loose your own life and you PROMISE to never waste ONE more day or take one single person for granted ever again.

But... 

Then we fall into the same old pattern and we start taking it all for granted again.

I know, i used to do that too.. 

Now?

Now I do not take ONE DAY for granted. Not one day is wasted. Ever! Not one second. 

Practice gratitude, but also accept the unacceptable... 

I have too to be able to LIVE here and now. 

I can't think about the future and i absolutely have no desire to WASTE any time on the past. 

Cause neither can be changed. 

I can't change the fact that my body is getting sicker and sicker for each day, week, month and year. 

BUT I CAN APPRECIATE HERE AND NOW. Cause at the end of the day, that's all we have.

 Specially me/us ❤🤲❤. 

And for that..  I TRULY AM GREAT FULL. 

I wouldn't wanna change yesterday even if I could, when, at the same time, ALL I dream about and wish for everday is TO GET HEALTHY.

But I know that won't happen, and so I needed to accept that.

 And with that acceptance came gratitude and LIFE LOVE AND LAUGHTER 😌. SERENITY. 

 A better LIFE with more LOVE ❤. 

A HERE AND NOW LIFE i can't even describe. 

It's a mindset. To care but at the same time not care at all.

 To know how to care about the RIGHT things and people,  and (sorry) don't give a crap about others opinions or how they choose to live their life. 

I don't have time for that, and certainly not the energy. 

I'M HAPPY IF others are happy and I'm OVERJOYED if people feel safe enough to be THEMSELVES,  to completely to strip off the masks and be, well, YOU, with me 💪❗.

So instead of fighting my body I had to embrace it and the situation for what it is without at the same time never stop fighting. 

But I had too accept the unacceptable to be able to LIVE FULLY in this progressively sick body. Clocks ticking.. I'm not getting any better. But...

One day a time, one moment a time. 

And..

Capturing them all like falling raindrops on my face ❤🤲❤. 

Like getting my daughter her paint she needed for school cause I'm a MOM FIRST ❤! 

But the STRENGHT to keep going when most would have given up... 

Well that's more strenght than u can EVER understand.

But then you have to remember...

I wasn't given any choice. "Born like this"

(Lady Gaga)

 Only I CAN CHOOSE HOW I wanna LIVE this sick life I've been given.

That's up to ME and YOU and all of US. 

A choice we make each day. 

 But I know what I choose...

I choose... 

 "THE IN BETWEEN" 

                 🤲

//K